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Holy Grilled Cheese! A while back in my old journal I wrote about how someone auctioned a grilled cheese sandwich that "appeared" to be shaped like the Virgin Mary. Those people made $28,000 (view article here). Well today something even dumber and less significant (if you can even fathom that) is on Ebay right now. There is a mother fucking corn flake on Ebay auction that is up to a bid of $200,444.00 and still has one day and twenty hours left to go. Yes, a corn flake.
- as in cereal
- as in costs less than a penny to make
- as in you've got to be fucking kidding me
In my lifetime, I have probably eaten a corn flake to resemble every state, county, and town in existence, let alone who-the-fuck-cares Illinois. I wish I could shit out every last flake right now and show the world all my glorious accomplishments. Pretty soon corn flakes will replace high grade caviar. The wealthy will bathe in corn flakes and milk in hopes that it will preserve their youthfulness. Public schools will say "I pledge allegiance to the corn flake" every morning before cereal manufacturing class.
For God's sake, I could even create the shapes of states with my teeth if I wanted to. You've heard of animal-balloon artists. I'll fucking make myself a corn-flake artist. You could book me for any event from barmitzvah's to weddings. I'll train in Japan and have them beat me with nun-chucks if I screw up more difficult to shape states like Hawaii and Texas. I'll create whatever your little heart desires. I'll carve out the Taj Mahal with my asshole if necessary. I'll bash my head against a wall of bricks until it looks like a 3-D carving of the Last Supper.
Moreover, I have been scrounging through every piece of shit I own in hopes I find something dumber than a grilled cheese and dumber than a corn flake to post on Ebay, because apparently the dumber it is, the more people will pay.
So far this is what I have come up with:
1) I have taken some of the feathers that have naturally fallen off my bird, and will say they are angel wings.
2) I am growing a chia pet into the shape of the Vatican. (I am counting on the Pope to bid big Catholic dollars on this one.)
3) I emptied out the content of 10 large pixie sticks into a mason jar and will say it's "real pixie dust". (Well, it is!)
4) I took a bottle of Centrum Senior and beaded them into a necklace (macaroni: eat your heart out). This will be a perfect gift for grandmas and grandpas of any senility level to remember to take their vitamins.
5) I've unhinged my conventional oven's door and attached rusted chains to the ends and will say that it was a draw bridge from the Medieval Times, and that this is new proof that people and horses were much smaller back then.
I am also attempting to punch myself in the arms and legs until I can make a bruise that resembles Charles Dickens.
1) What is a guido?
According to Wikpedia, Guido is defined as: "The guido stereotype is often portrayed as humorously and incorrigibly uncultured, with a thuggish and overtly macho attitude and an unyielding pride in his Italian ancestry... However, in recent years, mostly during the summer at the Jersey Shore, the term "guido" has been applied to a certain style rather than just a person of Italian ancestry. Due to the emergence of this term, some people have been referred to as "guido" despite the fact that they have no Italian ancestry."
According to me, Guido is defined as: A big dumb idiot girly man.
2) What do guidos look like?
See Image One Courtesy of google images:
Do Guidos Go Tanning?
Second guy from the left should answer that question for you loud and clear...
Who talks about Guidos?
Everyone! Even Spanish-speaking people, and here are some quotes to prove it:
1) "Atension, la palabra clave es guidos. Más en google y wikipedia. YEAH!"
2) "Si que tienen nombre, se les llama Guidos o Gottis, suelen ser de origen italiano y abundan por New Jersey, Staten Island, Queens..."
Why do guidos point in pictures and push their lips out like fish?
Cause they think the camera is a pair of tits.
Where can I go to see a real guido?
Any dance club in Northern NJ, Staten Island, or Brooklyn. Any gym in the same areas. Anywhere that techno music is sold. On the Jersey Shore in the summer, because life doesn't suck enough. Any wear guinea tees are present.
Speaking of present, if I want to buy a guido a present, what should I get?
Pinky rings, cannolis, hair gel, strong cologne, a tanning package, diamond earrings, lipgloss, designer sunglasses, nail salon gift certificate, techno CDs, or gold chains.
1) Soap Operas- They're ridiculous and they're stupid. People hang on so tightly to a show that revolves around drama in the worst sense, with the most pathetic acting ever. My most favorite aspect of these shows is the 5-minute blank stare that characters give right before a commercial break. Did the actors have to get special training for this, I wonder? "Jenna is pregnant with Lisa's kid"... Now that's about one of the only situations that would be deserving of a blank stare in my book.
2) Crispie MnM's- They're like rice crispies with shit wrapped around them, they make annoying sounds when chewed upon, and they are just bad news in general. Peanut is where it's at.
3) Infomercials- "But Wait! There's More!" Yea, my fat ass rubbing against the TV screen after witnessing some of that shit. I don't know what is sadder: the fact that these commercials exist, or the fact that people in mass amounts are influenced enough to buy merchandise such as the "5 second dildo" or the "Do-It-yourself Plastic Surgery Kit".
4) The Lottery- Basically the reason behind this is because I am not lucky enough to ever win it. So, I'd rather have everyone else in my boat who actually has a chance in winning to be miserable.
5) Sharon Osbourne's Voice: "oooooh ooooh Owzaaay!" I'd rather listen to someone throwing up chili. It also bothers me when she talks about her wrinkly, old, nasty crotch.
6) Twinkies- Get rid of these and .01% of American's will lose 2 pounds by next year. Don't think that's reason enough? Well, neither do I. However, the "Where's the cream filling" slogan is rated X. Kids hear that shit. And we wonder why 12 year old girls get rashes in and around their mouths... "cream filling" my ass!
7) Alzheimer's Disease- Because it runs in my family and it would be sad to slowly have my brain deteriorate and then repeat myself and forget.
8) Alzheimer's Disease- Because it runs... oh shit.
9) Bees- All kinds. Nothing good will ever come of them. Honey is overrated.
10) Paulie Shore- The man is an ass. It was funny, the other day they had on MTV fantasies, and the one girl's fantasy was to sing with a celebrity. They brought out Paulie fucking Shore. I felt bad, really bad.
11) Backpacks and Bags to carry your baby in- Typically yuppies and idiots have these contraptions. Go figure.
12) Mayonaise- Hello, would you like some lard?
13) Fruity Pebbles- no, just... no.
14) Trailer parks- the main cause of inbreeding
15) Lemon and Lime Flavored Pies- that's not right.
16) Joan Rivers- I think we are on the 15th face lift by now.
20) Lyposuction- Go for a fucking jog.
This is serious, and will soon be added to "Mary's Future List of Laws".
Things That People Should Not Wear:
1) The "dirty-look" Jeans- You know, those jeans that cost $80 at the least and look like you were involved in a bull-wrestling competition. If you want a pair of dirty looking jeans I can tie your ass up to the bumper of my car and take you for a ride and then take a shit on you. Your jeans will definitely look dirty, and believe me, it will be a lot cheaper.
2) Guys that wear skinny jeans- I think I just about cried when I heard that these were coming back in style for the ladies, because I saw this coming. For God sakes, let your balls breathe! You look like sissies!
3) Tube socks- These are completely unecessary. If your shoes don't come up to your shins, which they don't, then these socks are fucking useless, and very unflattering might i add. Typically "punk" kids and male senior citizens enjoy these foot coverings, which kind of puts the socks' stupidity into perspective.
4) T-Shirts that hang past one's knees- Unless you plan on using the shirt as a body bag to drag yourself to the morgue in, I suggest you pass on the excess fabric.
5) Ugly, overpriced designer bags and even worse, the fake versions of these- My first question is, did you buy the bag because you actually liked little C's and LV's all over the brown outside, or did you just buy it because it was $400 and you wanted people to think you had money? Moving on, to those people who buy the fake versions, you're a fraud, and you should have to pay a fine for being a schmuck. However, some of the purses are really cute, don't get me wrong, but the typical ones with the lettering repetitively stamped all over the bag, the ones that virtually every yuppie buys just to have, INCLUDING the Luggage, makes you look like a snotty ass. Invest that money into something important, like condoms, that way you don't end up having kids that will ruin society like you are.
6) Sports bras as T-Shirts- Everyone that sees you knows that it's a bra. You look like white trash. Commerce bank gives out free t-shirts and so does the Salvation Army.
7) Anything with shoulder pads- I thought this trend died out in the 80s, but I was proven wrong. If you're not a football player, shoulder pads are not for you.
8) Spandex- If you need further explanation of this, stop reading and go rent an 80s workout video.
9) Thong bathing suits/bikinis- Nothing like some nice cellulite ass on the beach... Oh, but even if you have a nice tight ass, if you wear this filth out in public, I'll bet anything you could fit a piano in your vagina. And loosey goosey never got anyone anywhere, except of course porn stars, actors, models, lawyers, doctors... nevermind nevermind, wear the thong, cause God knows you can't get anywhere on your own.
10) Bras that do not support the twins- If your tits are hanging down to your bellybutton, I am pretty sure (could be wrong), but almost positive that your bra sucks and you should not buy pot for a week and use that extra money to buy a better bra. "It lifts and separates!"
11) Scrunchies- These are about as cool as finding out you have an ulcer.
12) White people who wear stockings and do-rags on their heads- Well folks, aside from you being ghetto, you look like a fucking dumbass. Please buy a hat... and take the sticker off... and don't wear it sideways.
As much as I will always be a fan of classic mint toothpastes and mouthwashes, I feel that these business people are ingenius as well. It has inspired me to make a new line of dental hygiene products myself targeted for the large group in society that may not get their needs recognized as far as dental products are concerned: I call my line TREST: The toothpaste and mouthwash series for trashy people.
1) Cum Gargle- For that just after a mysterious blowjob taste.
2) One tooth wipes (can also be worn as earrings)- For the people that lost the rest of their teeth smoking crack and getting into bar fights
3) Weed Clean Toothpaste- If you're on parole, this one's for you.
4) T-bone steak and Cheap Beer Mouthwash- Nothing like getting close to that special someone and letting them know you really care.
5) Hank's Mullet Floss- Finding new ways to appreciate mullets. Buy Trest!
Just tell your parents you robbed a bank and shot 5 guys because you got high... THEY'LL UNDERSTAND!...(Just offer them a minimum of 20% of the goods to keep their mouths shut).
Just tell your girlfriend that you cheated on her with a dirty hoe you met at the bar because you got high... SHE'LL UNDERSTAND!... (But tell her it's ok b/c she was better in bed anyway. Hey, she might forgive you).
It would be really funny if they staged one of those scenes at a college graduation and the parents are sitting there all proud, "here comes our little tommy"... and their kid never walked out when his name was called... "Just tell your parents you missed graduation because you got high, and were fucking the janitor behind the stage... THEY'LL UNDERSTAND"
Gimmicks like that are more likely to grab someone's attention and shake the shit out of them,...or at least give them new ideas of stupid stunts to do. Either way, let's keep life interesting.
Or to throw everyone off, we could have an opposition! Yea, brilliant money-maker and great way to support the drug community and bash the government: "Just tell the United States you invented the cure to cancer while you were high... THEY'LL UNDERSTAND!!" (... no seriously, they will, and then they'll lock you up and take the credit for it). Quite possibly an accurate prediction too.
Writing "pointless rantings and ravings"- MY ANNTIDRUG =D
Jennifer Lopez: Buy a chia pet kit. Sprinkle the dust on your butt, water your ass, and watch it grow. (chia pet: $6)
Britney Spears: Get plastic surgery on your entire face and body. It may take a course of ten years, but you might eventually look like her one day maybe. (Plastic Surgeon Dr. Weisenbleisoseizenburgersteinmanburgstei
Amy Lee: Don't brush your hair for four weeks (free). Pierce your eyebrow with a safety pin (10 cents). Don't forget the fishnets ($5 hot topic)
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen: don't eat for 6 weeks. Occassionally do coke (any coke heads in the house? i need prices here people! prices!!?!)
Pamela Anderson: This one is probably the most obvious. Buy two balloons and a bottle of perixode. ($50 cents for the balloons and $10 for the bleach.)
Rosie O'Donnell: Eat 6 boxes of donuts a day (dunkin donuts value $30). Hold hands with girls in public (priceless).
Avril Lavigne: Get a brain surgeon to remove half of your brain, preferably the part that makes facial expressions and gives you any ability to reason and put logical sentences together. Then have a dentist get your cuspids filed into fangs. Then move to Canada and stay there for all our sakes. (this costs more than you have).
Be cool. Stay in school. And don't forget to be yourself!
My father: "What's that you got there?"
My brother: "my medicine"
My father: "what is it?"
My brother: "Allegra"
My father: "WHAT THE FUCK! NO PUT THAT DOWN!"
My brother: "What!!?"
My father: "Isn't that the shit to get a boner?"
My mother: "No, that's viagra."
So I was driving yesterday behind this Buick that looked like it's been in more accidents than a one year old in training pants. And I read a bumper sticker on the back that said, "Drive Safely This Is My Grandma".
Hey shithead little kid and parents or gaurdians of shithead little kid, tell grandma to please do us all a favor and start taking the damn bus. Her driving days are up. Last time I checked her shopping list consisted of the following three items: depends, prune juice, and centrum senior. She is a hazard to everyone that can still chew their food. And anyone that thinks getting their hair set and playing bingo every Thursday is a good time, has lost any marbles they might have had. In response to this outrageous, ass-backwards request I am making my own bumper sticker: "Stay the fuck away from grandma on the road. She is blind, senile, and deaf, and frankly those three things mixed together equals a head on collision which equals death." But since this is obviously too long for a bumper sticker, I have created a short version which says, "Grandma Can't Drive". And instead of having cute little handprints in red and blue on the side of the sticker, it has the hands clenched together praying for their lives and a picture of a hairnet with a big line going through it.
Did I mention, I am an asshole? =)
Maybe I'll get backed into again while walking into shoprite. Who the fuck needs legs anyway?!
1) Four Dumbass Potheads That Make Dumbass Songs
2) A Collection of Wet Farts
3) I Wear Tight Black T-Shirts and Wrist Bands- My Girlfriend of Two Days Dumped Me- My Life is So Hard- Mom where did you put my fucking tube socks?
4) Tiny Nipples Tiny Dicks
5) Coming Out of the Closet... But Only Because We Broke the Hinges
6) We Should Be Shot For This
7) We're in a Band Because It's the Only Way Girls Will Like Us
8) Daddy Ditched Us
9) Heroin Addicts in B Flat
10) The Obese Boys
11) Homosexual Offspring of Heterosexuals
12) Dicks and Chips
13) Sissy Boys and Their Sissy Songs
14) Hindu Heatbreakers
15) The Sex and Cheese Sandwiches on Rye
The following entry has been reposted from my old journal from 2005. A·mer·i·can ( a. An image used as an object of worship. a. A false god. 2. One that is adored, often blindly or excessively. 3. Something visible but without substance. Hmmm... that's funny.
-m
r
-kn) adj.- Of or relating to the United States of America or its people, language, or culture. i·dol ( 
dl) n.-
So, the basis of the show is fucking genius. A snobby British guy (who knew they existed right?!), a bug-eyed black guy, and a has-been anorexic singer with more work done to her than the Sistine Chapel all judge future "talent" for a chance to be America's next idol. I think that the show should have a disclaimer in the beginning stating: "Please do not try this at home. Even though an idol is someone we should potentially look up to and maybe even model ourselves after, this show aims to go against the grain. Also, please vote for the worst finalist possible, because otherwise someone that might actually be worthy of winning might get somewhere in life. And we wouldn't want that. Thanks."
1) Justin- He looks like a combination of Rupal, Michael Jackson, and Tina Turner during the permed years. I kind of feel bad for him though. It's never easy losing to someone that can actually sing.
RUUUUEBEN- The guy is named after a fucking sandwich for Christ's sake! If I were to play a word game and someone mentioned him, the first thing to come to my mind would be Russian dressing. Also, a man that flaunts his area code like it's his bank account makes me wonder if he actually got past 8th grade. 08527 bitch represent! And that's not the number in my bank account either, it's my cholesterol. I think people voted for him just because he made the dumbest faces in the history of time. The faggy highlighted hair host: "Ummm hi Rueben, how do you feel about your performance?" Rueben: "good" as he makes a stupid grin. I've heard deaf mutes come up with better answers.
Clay- His name reminds me of play dough. Remember when you were a kid and you used to play with Play-do and then sometimes you'd forget to wash your hands, and you'd like eat something and taste the dough remnants on your hands and be like, "OH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK?!"? No... No one? Well, fuck you then. Moving on, Clay Aiken deserves a round of applause just for being so successful and not actually winning the competition. He also needs a round of applause for living life with ears that size. They could serve a multitude of purposes though. For instance, he could use them as two umbrellas: one for him and one for his boyfriend.
Fantasia- I wonder what's bigger, Clay's ears, Rueben's "bling bling" or Fantasia's hoop earrings. And wasn't Fantasia a Disney movie? Way to crush my fucking childhood. This girl had probably the most annoying voice I've ever heard. I'd rather hear Fran Drescher sing on a trach-tube that this one. Also, I heard her cd is on sale on ebay for four cents with free shipping. You better jump on that guys... it's while supplies last. Unlike the pot she smokes, this shit is a limited time offer.
I have an idea... let's make an award show where the same two fucking movies can win the same award over and over like it's a damn surprise... we can call it the Academy Awards. There was a point in the night where I threatened to punch myself in the face if the Aviator or Million Dollar Baby won another award, but then I resentfully took that back because I realized I did not feel like paying hospital bills and then pressing charges against myself for domestic violence and assault.
I actually laughed a total of two times: once at Chris Rock's jokes and once at the lead singer of The Counting Crows' hair. I had to do a double take because I thought Krusty the clown came to life.
Some serious questions I had about the show:
1) Why the fuck did Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Sean Combs, Poop Doody or whatever the fuck his name is introduce a performance?
2) Why was Beyonce the only female singer? Where is the talented and intelligent Ashlee Simpson during these things? (sar·casm (särkzm)n.- 1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.)
3) Why did I waste 3 hours of my life watching these? Great.
Me: let me see what movies are playing
Jay: i think pocohantas 2: the castration of john smith is out now
Me: hahaha! If it's 3-D count me in!
Jay: better, claymation.
Me: fucking awful, nothing is playing
Me: it's between ice princess and diary of a mad black woman, and believe me,... I can find plenty of both of those at this school
Jay: hahahahahha
I THINK THEY SHOULD RENAME MY SUPER SWEET 16 TO MY SUPER SWEET BANKRUPTCY!
Let's meet a couple of the brats:
First off we have Hart (pronounced Heart). Hart is an idiot. And you see, it all went downhill right off the bat when his parents gave birth to him and gave him that froofy name. They should have named him Fart instead, because he reminds me more of an asshole than a symbol of love. His parents were way off. Bottom line, boys don't have sweet 16's, NOT EVEN GAY ONES! Congratulations on being fucked up.
Next we have... well I don't know her damn name, and I don't need to know it. We can just call her Bitch. My favorite thing about Bitch is that she said, "It must suck for people that don't have money to get the things they want." Really Bitch? You think? Come visit me sometime, and I'll show you how much your life can suck. I'd give anything to see this one get a job. I'm talking shoveling horse manure, cleaning toilets, or any form of manual labor you can conjure. If anyone can make this happen, I'd be truly grateful, and entertained. Thank you!
Last but certainly not least, we have my personal favorite... dun dun dun.... AVA aka QUEEN OF EVERYTHING I LOATHE. Her father spent $200,000 on her party, including her new Range Rover, which she cried about because she did not receive it on the exact date of her party; she received it the day after or some shit. Her mother took her to Paris to get dresses (that's right, multiple). And she didn't buy one there after all the trouble, because she's a picky little hoe, and did not like any of them. Instead, she got them custom made. In conclusion, this whole situation makes me want to vomit, but I can't because I haven't eaten over the thought that people like these actually exist.
Yes, I do feel better now that I got all of my resentment and contempt for these kids, and ones like them out in the open. It's fine to be rich. It's fine to be lucky. But to not appreciate it makes me hope you get robbed by the mass quantities of mexicans that work for you. Have a nice life being petty, materialistic, superficial, egotistical, and spoiled!
I have an idea... let's make YET ANOTHER show where spoiled, rich bratty teenagers act like dickheads and abuse their parents' money. We can call it, "WHY THE FUCK WERE WE BORN" or "DECAY OF SOCIETY". It will be great.
If anything, they need to make a follow up to this show called, "We started out rich and beautiful, but now we have venereal disease." I may not live to see it. But to know, it could happen, makes me feel at ease.
Nick: It's now completely legal in Flordia to kill people as long as you felt threatened
Me: Are you kidding?! Where does it say that?
Nick: In this newspaper
Me: I'm going to gather up a bunch of people I don't like and take them on a trip to Disney World.
Nick: lol
And before I depart, Paris Hilton is the dumbest bitch alive that's not hooked up to a life support machine. It must be fantastic to say you're getting by in life only knowing a handful of words such as: "hot, sexy, cute, cool, and fun".
If Paris Hilton can write a book, I can be America's first black, gay president.
Oh and next time you decide to misplace twenty thousand dollars, please do it closer to my house, like preferably my fucking doorstep. Thanks.
The following entry has been revived from my old journal in an entry from 5/24/05.
The majority of law officials are "reformed" trouble maker kids that didn't have much other choice but to be the law or break the law or dorky guys from high school that didn't get much play, so they figured this would be a good way to pick up chicks and have an ego booster. And let's not forget our dear pals lesbian law officials such as Officer Dyke Donna reporting to strap duty on.
So, as you might have already been able to tell from my resentment, cops are on my shit list. Not ones that actually add to the structure and growth of society. I'm talking about the ones whose idea of a good time is buying a TWELVE PACK at DUNKIN' DONUTS and then pulling people over who aren't bothering anyone. Last time I checked there were, oh I dno, a few hundred thousand drug dealers on the streets. Let's pull over people doing ten over the speed limit that means dog shit instead.
I got pulled over on 195 tonight doing 70 in a 65. That's right folks. I have a radar detector, and though I am very aware that some radar can go undetected by the radar detector, this cop did not have his on. I know this because he did not guess accurately how fast I was going. That's right guess. He just got his panties in a bunch because I passed him. I am a schmuck to even think it would not be a problem. I should know better.
SCENARIO PLAYED OUT AS FOLLOWS:
I am doing 100 mph in the left lane when all of the sudden I see a cop in the center lane so I slow down to 70 mph. As I am getting closer he slows down more, so I do also, doing about 65. I was going to move into the right lane to get behind him when I realized he was now doing abou 62 and I still had a while to go before reaching my destination. I did not want to follow his slow ass the whole way home while he fucked around. So I figured I'd just pass him and then be on my way. Well he was fucking antagonizing me.
I do 70 again, pass him, he gets behind me, I pull into the center lane, he pulls back behind me, I'm like, "fuck, shit, fuck fuck", and then I get pulled over.
Officer Dickhead and his Young Rookie Tight Ass Scout: "Do you know why I'm pulling you over?"
What I wanted to say: "Because you're an idiot"
What I actually said, "no"
Officer Dickhead Strikes Again: "Because you were doing over 70 in a 65 but you were in the left lane first hanging back"
What I wanted to say: "That's because I wanted to see how fast you were going before I smoked you, and it's sure as shit a good thing you didn't see me a couple miles back when I was doing 100."
What I actually said: "No, I was doing 70"
Officer Dickhead never shuts up: "Well ok, but the speed limit is 65. Do you have a clean driving record?"
What I wanted to say: "About as clean as my drawers"
What I actually said: "Yes"
He takes my stuff, probably makes a dipshit guy comment or two to the young state trooper with him, and then comes back.
Officer Dickhead you are relentless: "Are your grades as good as your driving record?"
What I wanted to say: "Is your ass as ugly as your face?"
What I actually said, "Yes"
Statetrooper Dickhead Bids me fairwell: "Here's a written warning. Use the shoulder and get home safely."
Moral of the story: New Jersey State Troopers are dickheads.
I want to be one sometimes so I can speed and eat donuts all day. Plus handcuffs and guns are cool.
An Honest Cover Letter By Mary H.
Dear [insert asshole's name here]-
It's undoubtedly evident that you will not read beyond this first paragraph since you are clearly very busy playing Pacman and eating Cheetos. I am still going to continue to write this cover letter, however, because I apparently enjoy taking it up the rear, figuratively speaking.
Unlike many of your employees, I do not need this job to support a drug habit or buy myself ridiculous designer merchandise that will just get thrown out next month. I would also strive to actually work and take pride in my job. And by take pride in my job, I mean regretfully finish a pile of work you pawn off on me while you take the credit for it and then get a promotion. Did you ever tell your mother she gave birth to a cocksucker?
In closing, I have been under appreciated and underpaid at all of my previous jobs, and I doubt this one would be any different. I look forward to you blowing me off, or even worse, telling me the qualifications I have which are the same qualifications you fucking asked for, are not what you are looking for at this time. In other words, you gave your dip shit relative a job instead.
Sincerely,
Eat Shit and Die
Anyway, she posted a bulletin promoting the sales of dog tags with her pictures on them for her own profit, of course. Yeah... dog tags, you know those little metal plates that men and women in the military where to identify themselves in case they are injured or die. Those things that millions of Americans hold dear to them from their fathers and grandfathers before them. Yeah, those.
Well I don't know why it bothered me, but when I thought about some stupid myspace whore having her modeling photos stamped on these objects for sale, I figured, eh why not waste two minutes of my time writing her a letter to let her know she's an idiot. So, I e-mailed her. And even though I'm sure she gets millions of fan e-mails a day, she made the time to respond to my message. In fact she responded within an hour. I wonder why? Maybe I struck a nerve.
I wrote:
And her response:
"Give me a break."
I am not going to waste my time writing a go fuck yourself letter back. I honestly thought she would probably not give a shit to write anything back in return. In fact, I would have rather her said nothing in return, and left some doubt on my mind on if she had a decent personality or not. But because of her rude response, I really think she sucks, and it saddens me that so many people idolize her. I guess it says a lot about society. I just thought she would write something a little... I don't know, nicer, more professional, or just simply, something with a little more thought put into it. Bottom line, her response only proved that she's a stupid, selfish, shallow, self-indulged bitch that doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself.
My LiveJournal Vow
I solemnly swear to continue writing a bunch of bullshit in my new livejournal for as long as I damn well please.
So help me God.
- Mood:
happy
